If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him what your plans are...

My mom told me that saying a few days ago, and at first it didn't make much sense, but now it really does. I've been MIA for so long because I've been having some personal struggles and didn't feel like I had anything positive to say other than I was making myself miserable, so I didn't say anything at all. I won't go too much into that because I'm working on those things now. It won't be fixed today, or tomorrow, or next week, or even next month. It will be an ongoing effort, but one that I know, without a doubt, that I want to take on.

So as for my broken body, I went to see the orthopedic this last Tuesday. It was ridiculous. I got there to have x-rays at 1:45, then went to the office and was there by 2:20 for a 2:45 appointment. Finally at about 3:15 we were called back and at 4:15 we were finally seen. He said my x-rays looked ok, but that there wasn't as much calcification in the fractures on the front of my pelvis as he had expected there to be at this point. Funny because I've been drinking more milk than I ever have before. Which I know isn't the complete solution, but it should have helped right? Maybe not. He also said that the fracture in my sacrum was further down into the bone than he had originally thought, so lucky me, I get another 6 weeks of non- weight bearing :(. So that would be January 1st, 2010 before I can start walking. This is driving me crazy, but I think God is trying to teach me patience.

This has been a very trying time on a variety of levels. I've made some very poor decisions and in doing that hurt some of the people I love most. I've given up on being angry about the injury, and trying to bargain about it, and am coming out of the depression and have moved onto acceptance. I thought I was going through all these stages weeks ago, but really, I hadn't moved beyond depression yet. I still don't blame Delilah (the horse) or her owners or myself. It was an accident with some very hard lessons learned. I know that I will grow stronger through all of this, but I should have never taken on the grief on my own. Subconsciously, I didn't want to trouble anyone else. I didn't think anyone else would want to listen to me cry and get frustrated and get angry. So, I held onto those emotions tightly, bottled them up and then when I could handle them no more, tried to push everyone away. I'm sorry to the people I have hurt and I hope that you can forgive me. I'm not making excuses, I'm just coming to acceptance for the things I have done.

Happy One Month Anniversary to Me!

Yesterday came and went without me realizing that in terms of a calender month, it was the 1 month anniversary of my swan dive attempt off the back of a 6ft horse. I think it's a good thing that it came and went without much fanfare, but I thought today about how far I've come in just one month.

I'm up and around on crutches now :). I still use the scooter from time-to-time, but mostly just around the house or if I'm going somewhere where I would have to do a lot of walking (or I guess crutching in this case). The only reason for the scooter around the house at least is because I've been getting rub marks on my sides from the crutches and I haven't gotten around to putting extra padding on the crutches. Plus, I can get around to places faster in the house on that rather than crutching.

I'm driving now....HUGE bonus!! I feel like I'm not as trapped in the house. If I need to go run an errand, or just get out, I can and I don't have to ask someone to take me.

I can get up from sitting without much pain anymore. My ribs really don't hurt, unless I sneeze, which I've been doing a lot of, so that still kind of sucks. My pelvis still hurts from time to time, but not badly. I can sit up from laying flat, for the most part. It takes some work and it's not pain-free, but I'm ready to get out of the hospital bed and back into my own bed I think. I can also lay on either side for a time, but not a long time. Sometimes I wake up a little sore if I do that for too long, but I'm also afraid to lay on my side to fall asleep because I worry that I'll make it over to my stomach (my preferred sleeping position) and I don't think that would be a good thing yet.

I've been completely off Vicodin for at least the last 2 weeks, but probably longer if I really thought about it. I'll take Advil, but even that is pretty rare. It's strange to think that a month ago, I don't think I would have survived making it through the day without some method of pain control.

The strangest thing about all of this is I keep hearing about all these people who have fractured their pelvis before, and the doctors in the hospital kept telling me how infrequent that was because of the strength of the bone. Obviously, I know I'm not the only one, but I've heard of at least 5 other people in the last month who fractured their pelvis, 3 of which were on horses. People keep asking me if I'll ride again and seemed shocked when I tell them I will as soon as the doctor tells me yes. That's one thing in my life I can't give up. Besides, it took 28 years to fall off badly enough to break something, I hope to go another 28 years ;). Maybe I'll take some actual lessons, something I haven't done in a long time. Just don't tell my boss. Hahaha.

So, it's been a month, here's to another month of healing!

No More Sneezing Please :(

I guess my body has finally decided that it's recovered enough to start sneezing again and now it's making up for lost time. I disagree, I'm not ready to sneeze. My ribs have gotten sore again and it even makes my pelvis hurt. Anatomically, I guess it makes sense that when you sneeze, the muscles attached to your pelvis would also tighten, but who woulda thunk?? I admit I haven't been very good about taking my allergy medicine recently, and fall is usually the worst time for me, so it's probably at least partially my fault, but I really haven't been outside too much recently.

Yesterday was a busy, but good day :). My mom and I went to vote for our new governor and then went to lunch. When we got home, I got in my car and drove to West Springfield to go to football practice! Yep, I drove :). It felt really weird and took more concentration than I remembered, but I was behind the wheel and got in and out with minimal pain. I went into the athletic training room, of course, and picked up a pair of crutches, which I've been using to get around a little. It's like a new found freedom to not have to sit in a chair or maneuver around using the walker, which I hated.

I think I'll be spending a little more time at school "just visiting" so I can see everyone and not get too much out of the loop. It's not the same as being at work, but it's a start. Besides, then I get to hang out with Kemba and Denise and that's always good for at least a few laughs ;).

Not too much planned for today I don't think. I'll take the break though :)

Not Great News

So, it looks like I won't be back to work on November 9th afterall. Fairfax County Public Schools has some policy on not being able to return to work on "light duty". Which, I guess makes sense, but it's frustrating still. I really just want to be back to work and back in the athletic training room. But then again, I do realize that my job just isn't set up for someone who's not allowed to walk yet. There's no way I could get out onto the court or the field, or whatever playing surface, and eval an athlete who is on the ground. It would make me feel helpless to just stand there and look at them when they're in pain. So anyway, I understand, but I still don't like it.

Not much else is really going on. I've been watching the muscle mass in my left leg wither away and it's gross. It really bugs me, so I try not to wear shorts very often, which is lucky since it's getting colder anyway. I've even been working on the "rehab" I was given, but it hurts my patellar tendon to do it, so I've slowed down a bit. I'm also working on getting around more on the walker, but trying not to overdo it to appease my parents ;). My mom and I looked up where to find Hope crutches, which are supposed to be less stressful on your arms, specifically your underarms. We didn't have much luck, however. Most medical supply companies apparently don't carry them. Weird. I'll have to deal with regular crutches for now I guess.

I might be able to start driving soon since I've been able to get in and out of my car, and it's actually easier than getting in and out of my mom's minivan. My mom wants me to "practice" getting in and out of the driver's seat side, though. Haha. Luckily there are only 4 houses on my parents end of their street and our neighbors are pretty non-existent, so no one will witness these "practice" sessions. Once I can start driving, I think I'll try to get out of the house more, even if it's just to go to Starbucks or something to read a book. Or maybe I'll swing by school to "visit". Haha.

So that's pretty much it. Not much else exciting going on. I hope everyone had a more fun Halloween than I did. We didn't even get any trick-or-treaters. That's no fun!