If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him what your plans are...

My mom told me that saying a few days ago, and at first it didn't make much sense, but now it really does. I've been MIA for so long because I've been having some personal struggles and didn't feel like I had anything positive to say other than I was making myself miserable, so I didn't say anything at all. I won't go too much into that because I'm working on those things now. It won't be fixed today, or tomorrow, or next week, or even next month. It will be an ongoing effort, but one that I know, without a doubt, that I want to take on.

So as for my broken body, I went to see the orthopedic this last Tuesday. It was ridiculous. I got there to have x-rays at 1:45, then went to the office and was there by 2:20 for a 2:45 appointment. Finally at about 3:15 we were called back and at 4:15 we were finally seen. He said my x-rays looked ok, but that there wasn't as much calcification in the fractures on the front of my pelvis as he had expected there to be at this point. Funny because I've been drinking more milk than I ever have before. Which I know isn't the complete solution, but it should have helped right? Maybe not. He also said that the fracture in my sacrum was further down into the bone than he had originally thought, so lucky me, I get another 6 weeks of non- weight bearing :(. So that would be January 1st, 2010 before I can start walking. This is driving me crazy, but I think God is trying to teach me patience.

This has been a very trying time on a variety of levels. I've made some very poor decisions and in doing that hurt some of the people I love most. I've given up on being angry about the injury, and trying to bargain about it, and am coming out of the depression and have moved onto acceptance. I thought I was going through all these stages weeks ago, but really, I hadn't moved beyond depression yet. I still don't blame Delilah (the horse) or her owners or myself. It was an accident with some very hard lessons learned. I know that I will grow stronger through all of this, but I should have never taken on the grief on my own. Subconsciously, I didn't want to trouble anyone else. I didn't think anyone else would want to listen to me cry and get frustrated and get angry. So, I held onto those emotions tightly, bottled them up and then when I could handle them no more, tried to push everyone away. I'm sorry to the people I have hurt and I hope that you can forgive me. I'm not making excuses, I'm just coming to acceptance for the things I have done.

Happy One Month Anniversary to Me!

Yesterday came and went without me realizing that in terms of a calender month, it was the 1 month anniversary of my swan dive attempt off the back of a 6ft horse. I think it's a good thing that it came and went without much fanfare, but I thought today about how far I've come in just one month.

I'm up and around on crutches now :). I still use the scooter from time-to-time, but mostly just around the house or if I'm going somewhere where I would have to do a lot of walking (or I guess crutching in this case). The only reason for the scooter around the house at least is because I've been getting rub marks on my sides from the crutches and I haven't gotten around to putting extra padding on the crutches. Plus, I can get around to places faster in the house on that rather than crutching.

I'm driving now....HUGE bonus!! I feel like I'm not as trapped in the house. If I need to go run an errand, or just get out, I can and I don't have to ask someone to take me.

I can get up from sitting without much pain anymore. My ribs really don't hurt, unless I sneeze, which I've been doing a lot of, so that still kind of sucks. My pelvis still hurts from time to time, but not badly. I can sit up from laying flat, for the most part. It takes some work and it's not pain-free, but I'm ready to get out of the hospital bed and back into my own bed I think. I can also lay on either side for a time, but not a long time. Sometimes I wake up a little sore if I do that for too long, but I'm also afraid to lay on my side to fall asleep because I worry that I'll make it over to my stomach (my preferred sleeping position) and I don't think that would be a good thing yet.

I've been completely off Vicodin for at least the last 2 weeks, but probably longer if I really thought about it. I'll take Advil, but even that is pretty rare. It's strange to think that a month ago, I don't think I would have survived making it through the day without some method of pain control.

The strangest thing about all of this is I keep hearing about all these people who have fractured their pelvis before, and the doctors in the hospital kept telling me how infrequent that was because of the strength of the bone. Obviously, I know I'm not the only one, but I've heard of at least 5 other people in the last month who fractured their pelvis, 3 of which were on horses. People keep asking me if I'll ride again and seemed shocked when I tell them I will as soon as the doctor tells me yes. That's one thing in my life I can't give up. Besides, it took 28 years to fall off badly enough to break something, I hope to go another 28 years ;). Maybe I'll take some actual lessons, something I haven't done in a long time. Just don't tell my boss. Hahaha.

So, it's been a month, here's to another month of healing!

No More Sneezing Please :(

I guess my body has finally decided that it's recovered enough to start sneezing again and now it's making up for lost time. I disagree, I'm not ready to sneeze. My ribs have gotten sore again and it even makes my pelvis hurt. Anatomically, I guess it makes sense that when you sneeze, the muscles attached to your pelvis would also tighten, but who woulda thunk?? I admit I haven't been very good about taking my allergy medicine recently, and fall is usually the worst time for me, so it's probably at least partially my fault, but I really haven't been outside too much recently.

Yesterday was a busy, but good day :). My mom and I went to vote for our new governor and then went to lunch. When we got home, I got in my car and drove to West Springfield to go to football practice! Yep, I drove :). It felt really weird and took more concentration than I remembered, but I was behind the wheel and got in and out with minimal pain. I went into the athletic training room, of course, and picked up a pair of crutches, which I've been using to get around a little. It's like a new found freedom to not have to sit in a chair or maneuver around using the walker, which I hated.

I think I'll be spending a little more time at school "just visiting" so I can see everyone and not get too much out of the loop. It's not the same as being at work, but it's a start. Besides, then I get to hang out with Kemba and Denise and that's always good for at least a few laughs ;).

Not too much planned for today I don't think. I'll take the break though :)

Not Great News

So, it looks like I won't be back to work on November 9th afterall. Fairfax County Public Schools has some policy on not being able to return to work on "light duty". Which, I guess makes sense, but it's frustrating still. I really just want to be back to work and back in the athletic training room. But then again, I do realize that my job just isn't set up for someone who's not allowed to walk yet. There's no way I could get out onto the court or the field, or whatever playing surface, and eval an athlete who is on the ground. It would make me feel helpless to just stand there and look at them when they're in pain. So anyway, I understand, but I still don't like it.

Not much else is really going on. I've been watching the muscle mass in my left leg wither away and it's gross. It really bugs me, so I try not to wear shorts very often, which is lucky since it's getting colder anyway. I've even been working on the "rehab" I was given, but it hurts my patellar tendon to do it, so I've slowed down a bit. I'm also working on getting around more on the walker, but trying not to overdo it to appease my parents ;). My mom and I looked up where to find Hope crutches, which are supposed to be less stressful on your arms, specifically your underarms. We didn't have much luck, however. Most medical supply companies apparently don't carry them. Weird. I'll have to deal with regular crutches for now I guess.

I might be able to start driving soon since I've been able to get in and out of my car, and it's actually easier than getting in and out of my mom's minivan. My mom wants me to "practice" getting in and out of the driver's seat side, though. Haha. Luckily there are only 4 houses on my parents end of their street and our neighbors are pretty non-existent, so no one will witness these "practice" sessions. Once I can start driving, I think I'll try to get out of the house more, even if it's just to go to Starbucks or something to read a book. Or maybe I'll swing by school to "visit". Haha.

So that's pretty much it. Not much else exciting going on. I hope everyone had a more fun Halloween than I did. We didn't even get any trick-or-treaters. That's no fun!

GREAT NEWS!!!

I went to see the ortho today and he said that I can go back to a "modified" work schedule starting November 9th!! He initially told me I could go back next Monday, but I told him I didn't think I would be quite ready by then since I haven't done more than about 20 minutes worth of walking on the walker quite yet. I'm really hoping to be on crutches by then, though. He said the new x-rays of my pelvis looked pretty good and that the bones were all still lined up properly. So I go back in 3 more weeks to have more x-rays done and then hopefully I'll start to be able to do partial weight bearing and then go to rehab and learn how to walk again. Haha. So hopefully I can stay on track now and get back to somewhat normal life :). It'll still be a long time coming before I can run again or go horseback riding, but that's ok. I'll get there.

Other than that, not too much exciting is going on. Only 12 more days before I go back to work :). I never thought I would be so happy to say that. Haha.

I love my athletes

Yesterday marked 2 weeks since the accident and although I have a hard time with this still, I have to remind myself that 2 weeks ago, I would have never thought I would be doing what I am now. My mom took me up to West Springfield yesterday to visit everyone and it was a visit I really needed, but didn't realize how much. I didn't tell anyone I was going, so I think I surprised everyone. The kids were great and seemed happy to see me. They made a card for me and it definitely cheered me up. They said some really nice things and when I'm having a bad day, I'll be sure to look at it because it cheered me up yesterday. I'mg also glad that Kemba and Denise seem to be handling things well over there, despite having a lot of stress I'm sure. I didn't doubt that they could do it, but I'm glad that things are going reasonably well for them. I can't wait to be back and get back into it, though :).

We went to the game for a little while last night, but it started to rain at the start of the second half, so we decided to leave in case it really started to rain. I was really happy to be there, though. Really happy. I think it made my week. Like I said I didn't realize how much I needed that. I hope to be able to get out to school a little more often to visit now, but I can't drive yet, so I have to rely on my mom still. But I don't want to focus on that now. I'm just really happy and it meant a lot that the athletes seemed so happy to see me. Guess being there for 2 years already has really paid off :).

Patience

I think I've come to the realization that I probably won't be back to work in 2-3 weeks like I was hoping. I don't have the stamina that I need to have to be able to survive a day at work. Maybe if I worked a desk job where all I did all day was sit anyway, I could, but not being an athletic trainer. I'm supposed to be the one helping the athletes, not making them help me.

Yesterday my oldest sister came over with her family to cook a belated birthday dinner for my mom and I was helping out in the kitchen, so I tried the walker. I did pretty well with it I think, and was able to get around on it for about 30 minutes or so, but then I was done. I wanted to try to push it harder, just that last extra push I used to try for when I was running. It was the mental part of it that I had something left in me when I was tired, but I knew it wasn't a good idea, so I didn't do it. My ribs have been so sore today. Maybe it was that, maybe it wasn't, but I think it was. I know I'm going to be sore after doing things like that. It just made me realize that it's probably not realistic to be going back to work when I wanted to.

My mom and I went and got my temporary handicapped placard thingie and then went shopping for a little bit after. I think we were gone about 2.5 hours and when we got home, I was exhausted again. I hate that it wasn't even anything that taxing, I mean, it's not like I was walking, I was just pulling a handle to make the scooter go. I said I wasn't going to try on clothes because it just seemed like it was unnecessary and not worth the hassle. Yeah, I was wrong. I tried on some clothes in Gap and walked out with quite a bit. After that, though, I was done. We went to Old Navy after and then to Costco and then I was definitely done.

I don't want this to turn into a whining session, but I guess this is my blog and my place to get things out. It's just frustrating. I had just gotten back into running and was doing so well. I was getting back into shape and able to get out some of the stress and frustration of just daily living by running and I don't have that anymore. Maybe this is all just the anger part of the stages of grieving, but I don't know that grieving is an accurate descriptor of this. I'm not angry that I fell off Delilah. And I'm not angry at Delilah or her owner or any of that. I'm just angry that I can't do what I want right now. I know I'll recover and it's only been 3 weeks since this all began, but 4 months just seems so far away. I'm sorry if the last few entries haven't exactly been the happy, go lucky entries that started this all. I'm just frustrated.

Anyway, on the good side of things, Kellie and Kevin came to visit today and brought Berkeley. Abby was SO happy to see her little buddy. The two of them chased and wrestled for quite some time. It was nice to get to see Kellie and Kevin as well since it's been awhile since I've seen them. Hopefully we'll get to hang out again soon :)

Frustration

It's been a bit since I've written anything, but I've been kind of busy too. Friday night Andy and I went to Outback for dinner with my parents and then to see Couples Retreat...hilarious! I wanted to laugh so often during the movie, but I can't really laugh quite yet, at least not very often. However, I had my first experiences in public in the dreaded wheelchair. I hate going out in it, I'm embarrassed, but only because you can't visibly see anything wrong with me, so it just looks like I'm hanging out in a wheelchair.

After the movie was over, of course I had to use the bathroom. Andy wanted me to use the "Family Bathroom" which is a single bathroom on it's own that's probably intended for people to use that may need assistance. I don't need assistance getting myself to the bathroom, so of course I insisted on using the regular bathroom. Bad plan. I never really paid attention to how rude people can be to others. I got into the bathroom and this teenage girl looked at me, sitting in a wheelchair, and walked into the handicapped bathroom. Ok, so I know I've used the handicapped before when I wasn't handicapped, but not when someone who needed it was there and I have always been nervous about coming out of one when someone else needed it. So I sat there and waited. Of course regular bathroom stalls opened up and I told the ladies behind me to go ahead since I couldn't really use the regular sized stalls. Little did I know/realize that there was another handicapped stall and I only realized it when some lady walked around me, went down to it, opened the door, and went in. Ok, so maybe she thought I was just waiting on someone else, but why would I be in the middle of the bathroom waiting for anything other than a bathroom stall. So finally the original stall opened, but then I had to get through the ladies standing in front of the mirror fixing their hair and makeup. I said excuse me to this one girl like 10 times, and I don't think I was being especially quiet. Her friend finally saw me and told her to move. So at this point I was frustrated and embarrassed and tired and annoyed. I won't say too much about the bathroom experience, but let me just say that the handicapped stalls although quite roomier than a regular sized stall still isn't easy to maneuver a wheelchair in and I don't consider myself an amateur when it comes to using the wheelchair.

So by the time I left the bathroom I was ready to break down again. Andy and I went home and hung out a little longer before he left.

Saturday was kind of busy as well, but then again I have a new definition of busy. Anything that requires me to leave the house now means busy. Andy came over early in the day and we played Monopoly for awhile, but I got tired pretty quickly, so we stopped to watch college football. We pretty much just hung around the house and ordered pizza. I slept for about 2 hours as well. Saturday night one of my sisters was having a surprise party for her husband and Andy and I were invited. So we left during day 3 of non-stop cold rain to go up to her house. Her house, like most, is not handicapped accessible so Andy and I had planned how for me to get into her house. The options were about 10 steps on the front of the house with handrails only accessible from one side or another, but not both, since it's a wide front porch, or through the garage, which had 5 steps and was narrow with a handrail only on one side, but I thought I'd be able to support my body weight if I put my hands on either wall. It went ok. Definitely not easy or fun, but ok. Once I got inside, though, I had to go downstairs to the basement where the party was being held. I hadn't really thought this part through since I didn't think we would be in the basement. I won't say how I got myself down there, but I did. Hahaha.

Sunday was an attempt at church, but I don't have a handicapped placard yet and the church parking lot was full, so we ended up skipping and going to breakfast. After breakfast, we came back home, but since it was a late mass, we didn't have too much time before going back to my sister's house for her son's 5th birthday party. This time Andy took me up the front steps by bumping the wheelchair up the steps. Talk about scary. It felt like after every step he went up, it was a struggle to get me up the next, so all I could think about was me falling back down the steps when he got too tired. Not fun to think about. So anyway, I had to go back down to the basement again, tried a different method that I suppose was easier, but still embarrassing. If you can't tell, this is a very humbling experience.

So after 2 long days of lots of activity, I was ready to spend a day at home relaxing and recovering. I know it sounds silly because it doesn't seem like I did a lot, but every transfer from the couch to the wheelchair/scooter to the car to the wheelchair/scooter, etc. is tiring and at the end of the day it makes me so sore. Well, yesterday was grocery shopping with my mom. We used a grocery store scooter instead of my own. Again with the strange looks from random people. It sucked. I felt like everyone was judging me and thinking I was some hypochondriac who only wanted attention. And talk about weird seeing old people in walkers and canes who get around better than I do right now. Geez.

I had a doctor's appointment with Dr. Howard today. That was frustrating too because I was initially told 2-3 weeks off work by the ER doctors and Dr. Howard didn't seem very optimistic that it would take less than 6 weeks. He said it depended on how I recovered, but that was his best guess. I'm not cool with that. I can't sit at home for another 5 weeks. I'm sure that I'll be more mobile in the next 2 weeks, but his concern was me being able to use crutches over the wheelchair or even walker which was also my opinion, but I guess I didn't see it taking that long. I don't know. I'm really hopeful that he's overestimating and that I'll be back in the next 2 weeks or so, but I'm nervous about that as well. I definitely don't want to overdo it and risk re-injury or making something worse, but I just can't imagine sitting here with all this time on my hands.

So today isn't the best day. I'm just bummed and frustrated. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want to be able to go running or walk Abby or heck, go riding, but I can't right now. I'm still having a hard time accepting this. I don't want to sound whiny or annoying about it, it's just hard. I've never broken a bone until this accident, I've never had any other significant injury and here I am. I wish I could have started with something simple, a fractured forearm perhaps or maybe just broken ribs. I guess that it just goes to show that I did something right and without abandon. And here I am.

When you're feeling tired at work, be thankful that you can be there.

When you're feeling lazy and don't want to go walk the dog, walk her anyway because you can.

When you don't feel motivated to go exercise, go anyway because you have the ability.

When you don't want to get back in the car to go run one last errand, go anyway because you have the freedom.

And come visit me anytime you want, I'll be here.

1 week down

So pretty much, exactly 1 week ago today I fell of Delilah. I can't believe it's been that long already. Not that it's flown by because some days have certainly dragged on, but it's not been all bad either. I think I can pretty much assume that until I'm able to sleep on my side or stomach, I'm going to wake up very stiff and sore every morning, but that's why they make pain medicine. The days seem to get better from there.

That's pretty much all that's happened so far today. I'm watching Abby play with one of her new toys from PetSmart. For any of you dog owners out there, there's a company that makes a toy line called the Everlasting Treat Ball. Genius. Abby has had 2 toys from them and she loves them. Hopefully she'll do a little more today than sleep all day. I don't want her to get bored since I can't walk her for quite some time.

Anyway, I'm hoping to be able to go to Homecoming tonight at school even though it's supposed to be rainy and cold. We'll see if I'm up for sitting in the cold rain. It'll be a little odd since usually I'm standing in the cold rain. I hope to be able to go, but we'll see as the day goes on.

Happy Friday!

Escape!

Today was pretty good. I woke up a little sore and was mentally prepping myself for a rough day, so I took a Vicodin and went back to sleep for a bit longer. When I woke up I was feeling quite a bit better and it only got better from there.

Abby has decided that she likes having me home all day because not only does she not have to go into her crate, but apparently I've turned into a 5 year old and am dropping food right and left when I eat. So Abby hangs out with me when I eat now just waiting. Haha. Her new favorite is apple cinnamon muffin. Weird huh?

It was a pretty chill afternoon. Spent most of it reading on the couch. I got "dressed" for the second day in a row, which pretty much just means I put on make up and did something with my hair since my clothes are still pretty limited to sweats and tshirts still. Not ready to try anything else yet. Oh and I put on shoes too ;)

I got out of the house tonight too! We had to get more dog food for Abby, so my dad drove me to PetSmart so I could get her food (and new toys too of course!). I was wearing a Citadel sweatshirt and an older guy, not way older, but definitely a bit older than me got confused. I guess since it was dark out when we left and he saw me in the scooter, he assumed I was older! He asked if my son gave me my sweatshirt. I was totally shocked. I've never been mistaken for being that old. I mean, I'd have to have at least an 18 year old son. Yeah, not possible. It's weird. But anyway, it was really nice to get out of the house and pretend like things are "normal" again. All in good time.

My other good news is I only took 1 Vicodin all day. I've made it on 3 Advil at two different times today. Pretty good huh? I'm really happy about that because I don't like taking high level pain killers. I'll still take 1 or 2 Vicodin over night since I still wake up really sore most mornings. I'll let you know how it goes ;).

Busy, busy day!

I had absolutely no time to be bored this afternoon! First I had a visit from the Inova Home Health Physical Therapist. I already graduated from home PT ;). Apparently I'm more mobile than she had planned for me to be and more self- sufficient than I should be. See, being stubborn does pay off :). And to think people keep yelling at me for being stubborn....

The visit took about an hour and a half and most of it was just answering questions. I got to show off a bit on how good I am at transferring from wheelchair (or scooter) to bed and back, to the couch and back, and then I had to show her my lovely living accommodations, and then she showed me some rehab that ironically enough, I was already doing. Guess it pays off to be an athletic trainer ;). I asked her about further rehab and apparently at this point there's really not much else I can do. The big thing is keeping my right leg strong and keeping my left leg moving. Seems simple enough right? She also said I'm allowed to do some standing just so long as I don't stand for too long or too much. I'll try to be patient about that. Silly how being told I can stand should be so exciting, but it is. Seriously, I feel like I'm going to appreciate the little things in life so much more by the time this is done. So if you see me get excited at some point about something that seems mundane, just let me live in the moment :).

Literally right after the PT left, Diana, Janine, and Tay (friends from FCPS) came by for a visit and brought me lots of cool "boredom busters". It was really nice to get to see them and get to have some social time. I should be much better entertained over the next few days :). I'm just hanging out for now and trying to decide if I want to read or watch a movie. I've already been snacking on my treats! Haha. I think Loren and Jordana are going to come tonight as well. Yay for visitors!

So things to be thankful for:

*All of my awesome friends, you guys have really been helping me get through this

*Graduating from PT

*Not being outside in the freezing cold and rain for practice today ;)

Things to work on:

*Asking for help

*Not being stubborn

*Not eating all my candy in one sitting :).

Pictures of Delilah

Nicole, my sister, went back to the barn this morning and she took her camera to take pictures of Delilah so I could add them here. So the gray horse on the left is Delilah, the horse I fell off on Friday. She's next to Sonny who is a "normal" sized horse. I don't know that the picture really does justice to her size, but that's "my not-so-little-pony". Well, she's not really mine, even though I wish she was. Haha. There are more pictures that Nicole took, but apparently I can only add one to the entry? I don't know, I'm new to this blogging thing, like I said. So anyway, that's all I really have to say for this entry. I just wanted to put in a picture of Delilah. Nicole was going to go to the "crash site" (haha) and take a picture of where I fell off, but the horse she rides, Clarence, was feeling a little fresh this morning and she figured one broken body in the Fauquet family was really more than enough. So she just worked with him independently to set him straight ;). The funny thing about where I fell was it was in a really grassy area, so you would think all the grass would have broken my fall more and I wouldn't be so banged up. But then again, maybe it did really cushion the fall and that's why I'm not more banged up. Still trying to be positive :)

Home is good, but not easy

It's definitely nice to be home and it was awesome to eat Chinese food last night rather than hospital food, but it's an adjustment trying to figure things out here too. Luckily, I was already living at home (to save money for the wedding next summer), so that was easy because all of my things were already here. It's frustrating not to be able to do simple things like feed Abby on my own or take her outside on my own, although we were laughing last night that I could probably walk Abby while riding in the motorized scooter, haha.

I feel like my parents are constantly watching me too, which I know is inherent in parenting, but still, I'm 28 years old and I still want to be independent. I keep telling them, and everyone else that I'll ask for help when I need help, but I want to try to do it on my own first. To say this has been humbling to an extent would be an understatement. It's weird to ask for help doing little things like putting on socks. But every time I get frustrated I have to remind myself that this could have been a lot worse. I could have brain damage from hitting my head or I could have ended up like Christopher Reeves and be paralyzed. So I have to be thankful for that, but it's tough to remember that when I wake up at 5:40am and feel like a turtle stuck on my back in a really uncomfortable hospital bed in my own room or when doing something as simple as just trying to get out of bed this morning took 30 minutes.

So anyway, I'm doing well. I still get frustrated and I still want to cry a lot of the time, but I'll make it through this. Anyway, time to start on the phone calls to FCPS to figure out where to go from here for work and all that.

Things to be thankful for:
*This isn't a permanent injury, I will recover from this
*I'm home and I can have visitors whenever I want ;)
*I have people who care for me and I love all the emails I've been getting

Things to work on:
*deep breathing- literally, never thought that would be part of my rehab, but I've got to get it mastered so I can do things like clear my throat, cough, and laugh.
*not being so stubborn
*patience

Home Sweet Home

I'm home :). There were some bumps in the road there too. Apparently the medical supply request didn't make it to the company, so it just got here now after several phone calls back to the hospital.

Luckily, my parents still had a motorized scooter from when my grandparents lived here, so I was able to make it into the house and down to the basement. Thank goodness for elevators ;). I was able to shower, it wasn't the easiest, but I made it work. So I'm here. Just waiting for Andy to come over with Abby so I can see my poor confused puppy :(. My dad said that Saturday morning she went down to the front door to sit and wait for me. It made me cry when he told me that. Andy took her Saturday night and last night so she could go play with his roommates' puppy, Oslo.

So anyway, I'm here. I have a hospital bed (lol) downstairs now and more medical equipment than I know what to do with. Thank goodness for insurance. Although, I hate to see the mass of paperwork coming with this adventure.

I peed!!!!!

Ok, so maybe that's more than you wanted to know, but that was part of the battery of tests I had to "pass" before they would let me go home. You should also know I'm now in real clothes, not a hospital gown, and the first thing I plan to do when I get home is to shower :).

The road is getting more smooth :)

The Road isn't always smooth

Today's PT session didn't go as well as I had hoped. I think partially because I didn't take any pain meds after midnight last night because I had been thinking the lightheadedness and dizziness with standing had been result of not eating enough, especially before taking Vicodin, and since I couldn't eat in the middle of the night to counteract the nausea of Vicodin on an empty stomach, I skipped. Not a good plan apparently. I guess the pain had gotten ahead of me, so even after taking the meds, I was still in pain 20 minutes later. So therapy pretty much sucked. I didn't get to walk as far today and it was a lot more painful, complete bummer and definitely brought me down a notch after yesterday seemed to go so well.

I didn't like today's therapist as much as the one I had over the weekend. She was a lot more business and a lot less encouraging. Luckily, the PT tech, who happens to be a GMU athletic training student (small world), is really cool and was much more helpful than the actual PT. I asked the PT how far she wanted me to go today and she said, as far as you want. I told her I needed a goal and she got kind of snarky and said, well I could tell you out to the end of the hall and I told her I needed a short term goal. She seemed bothered that I was asking her for that. But I wanted to know what was expected because if I need to be able to walk out into the hallway in order to get to go home, then fine, I'd walk into the hallway, even if it took a few hours.

I think through all of this, I will become a better athletic trainer because I've never had a significant injury, so I didn't know what it was like to be in a lot of pain and be down in the dumps because I can't do the things I want to do. Even adjusting my position in bed right now seems like an Olympic event. Hopefully this will make me better professionally and make me a stronger person in general.

So, anyway, hopefully I'll be going home today. There are some things to accomplish before that can happen, but I won't mention them here ;).

Things I will not take for granted anymore:

*walking, running, or just moving normally in general

*showers

*eating normal food

Things to become more positive about:

*this is going to take awhile to recover from

*just because today was a bad day, tomorrow won't necessarily be a bad day too

*I can only do so much in one day, tomorrow will be the opportunity for more.

Lastly, I didn't mention this last night because the meds were taking over my brain, but I really appreciate everyone's phone calls, emails, text messages, facebook messages, and visits. Being in the hospital is an extremely lonely place, at least with their current visitation policy, so hearing from everyone means a lot. It'll be a few weeks still before I'm up and out of the house, so you're all welcome to come by my parents house any time you want. I'll be there ;).

17.3 hand horse + fall= no good

Since I'm not quite sure how to get the word out about my accident because I feel weird calling people and saying, Hey, I was in a horseback riding accident, I figured I'd blog about it. It seems that this will be a long recovery as well, so this will be a good way for everyone who wants to be able to keep up.

Friday, October 9th, I decided to go to the barn with Nicole to go riding as I have done several times before. I usually get to ride Delilah, who is a 17.3 hand (for you non- horse people, that means she is nearly 6ft tall at her shoulder) draft cross horse. I love riding her and she can be a handful, but lucky for me, the UGA Equestrian team taught me well. So Nicole, myself, and two other girls from the barn went off on a morning trail ride, and ironically enough, as we left, I made sure that someone had a cell phone because I didn't have mine, it was still in the barn.

We were actually having a really great ride that morning and I had been thinking to myself, "Wow, Delilah's being awesome today, I might put her into a canter." No sooner had I asked her to pick up the canter, she managed to stumble on something on the trail and I found myself out of balance in the saddle and flying over her shoulder. I had one of those split second decisions to try to grab around her neck and hopefully hang on, but then I was worried that she might spook if I did that and end up rearing up, I'd fall off and have not much time to roll out of the way before getting stepped on. I didn't really get to weigh the options very heavily, though, and didn't have time to hold on anyway, so I just let go and flew through the air.

I landed on the left side of my body- hips, then shoulder, then my head, thank goodness for helmets! I felt the most sickening crunch I'd ever felt. I think I rolled a few times too before landing on my stomach and eventually worked my way to my hands and knees. The pain was excruciating and I could barely catch my breath. The athletic trainer in me kicked in and I started trying to figure out what was wrong with me, but all I felt was pain...and a lot of it! I knew I could feel all of my extremities, so I wasn't worried about my spine and I didn't have a headache, so I didn't think I had a head injury. But my shoulder and left hip were on fire. By this time Nicole was already at my side and was trying to help check things out. We established that my clavicle (collarbone) was ok, but we thought I might have fractured some ribs. The only thing I couldn't figure out was what was wrong with my hip. It felt like it was deep inside the joint, though. I desperately didn't want to move, not an inch, but I knew I would have to eventually move, so I started to do it little by little, trying to move to a sitting position, but I couldn't. Nicole was trying to help me stand up, but I couldn't put any weight anywhere without wanting to pass out. I remember telling her that we needed to go to the hospital and it was one of those times where I really just wished I could have woken up and was there.

Sometime during all of this, a man came down the trail we were on and asked if we needed help. I don't know how he saw us because we were about 100 yards from a road and it had a little incline to the path. He helped Nicole get me to standing and then was going to help support me as we walked out, but I couldn't put any weight on my left leg, at all. They eventually started to chair carry me out, but they didn't have quite the right hold on me and I was worried they would fatigue carrying me out, so I had them put me down and I tried to walk again, but that was a mistake. I almost passed out from the pain. So they picked me up and carried me out the rest of the way.

By the time we got out to the main road, the mom of one of the girls we were riding with had come in her Explorer and she drove me to Fair Oaks Hospital after going back to the barn to get Nicole's car and my purse with my cell phone and wallet. All I could think about was that I was supposed to be working the varsity football game that night and Kemba was out of town, so that left no one to cover if I couldn't. I called Jon, my athletic training "boss" to tell him what had happened and I kept telling him that if it was just broken ribs, I could still get to work, but I'd be late. Little did I know what was to follow...haha. I also tried to call Andy, but he was playing golf in Indiana with his dad for his fraternity's charity golf event, so after trying Andy's cell, his mom's cell, and his dad's cell, I finally left a message on his dad's cell phone trying to give as much information about what had happened without giving too much to worry Andy.

So we got to the hospital and Nicole went in to get a wheelchair and to tell the people inside that I had just fallen off a horse and was in need of medical attention. Well, they decided I needed to be spine boarded. I won't go into great detail, but thank goodness I didn't really have a spine injury, because the spine boarding job was not grade A. They wheeled me into the ER and got me into a trauma room. They ended up having to cut my clothes off because of my injuries, which sucked, but at least they weren't good jeans or a good tank top. But talk about awkward! I kept apologizing because I hadn't showered that morning, but the nurses kept saying it was ok, it didn't really make me feel much better. My parents got there not much later, which was good

The doctor finally came in and after doing his evaluation and history decided that chest x-rays and an abdominal and pelvic CT scan were necessary. Keep in mind that I've never had a serious injury to this point, so this was all new. The x-ray showed 3 fractured ribs and the initial CT scan showed no evidence of any organ damage, so the first news was that I would be out of work for about 2 weeks and then should be able to go. Then the actual report came back and it showed 3 pelvic fractures and because of that, he told me I was being transferred to Fairfax Hospital because they had a better trauma unit and because I might need surgery. So I was transferred by ambulance to Fairfax. The sucky thing is that they had to spine board me again because although the doctors at Fair Oaks had been able to clear my c-spine, no x-rays had been done, so Fairfax said I had to be spine boarded. That was definitely NO fun. I'd been spine boarded before as practice in my EMT classes, but having an actual injury and being spine boarded sucks.

Of course we got stuck in traffic on 66 going to Fairfax, so I was in the back of the ambulance for about 45 minutes on a hard plastic spine board. Luckily I'd been given about 6mg of morphine at this point and another pain medication, so it helped but I was still really uncomfortable.

After finally getting to Fairfax Hospital, we were sent to the ER again and I had to go through more evaluations and being poked and prodded by complete strangers all over again. They kept me on the spine board for about another hour while the trauma doctors were being sent for and then I never even got neck x-rays! I finally got to talk to Andy, which was so hard because all I wanted to do was see him, but I didn't want to worry him and I felt bad that he was trying to rush home. I tried to convince him to stay the rest of his trip and I would just see him Sunday, but there was no telling him to stay. So anyway, after being seen by many, many doctors and interns and residents, I was finally admitted into the ortho wing of the hospital. They were planning to do more x-rays of my pelvis still and surgery wasn't going to be decided on until the morning, so even though I was starving and my mouth felt like a desert, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. At this point, Andy was still trying to get onto a standby flight, so the best I could do was try to keep him updated, but all the drugs had me very groggy. I didn't sleep very well Friday night because I was on lower dosages of morphine and Tylenol which didn't seem to be helping.

Saturday morning I was seen by all the doctors from the night before, plus a doctor from my primary physician's office. They decided to hold off on surgery for now and let the fractures heal on their own, which was good because it meant I could eat and drink finally, but my appetite is not good right now and hospital food kind of sucks anyway. Thank goodness for people visiting and bringing me real food. Luckily, they also decided to switch me to vicodin instead of morphine and it's worked better and for longer periods of time.

I had my first physical therapy session Saturday, which consisted of me trying to stand up on a walker and move into a wheelchair. The sitting up in bed and rotating was painful enough, but the attempt at picking up my left foot to get the weight off of it nearly made me pass out from pain again. It was terrible! So we gave up on PT for the day and I spent most of the day in and out of sleep. Andy finally got home around 2pm and came straight to the hospital. I think we both tried really hard not to cry, but it didn't work well. Neither one of us is used to me being the injured one ;). The hospital has really crappy visitation hours right now due to swine flu, so I can only have visitors between 11am to 1pm and 6pm to 8pm. So my days are a little lonely.

Today was a better day. After talking to all the doctors again this morning, I was a little optimistic about getting to go home tomorrow. They seemed to imply it depended on how my PT session went today, so I got determined to have things go well. I did some heel slides and actually got pretty far without using my hands to help go further, and with help, I was able to get to full hip flexion without pain, that's got to be good right? Haha. PT went well. I was able to stand pretty much on my own against a walker and managed to walk about 15 steps before getting tired. If my ribs weren't broken, this would all be a lot easier, but oh well. I also sat up in a chair for about 30 minutes :). Oh the little things I used to take for granted. My appetite still sucks, but I'm trying to eat. It's tough, especially since taking Vicodin on an empty stomach doesn't help with the nausea. Dinnertime is usually when I'm most hungry, so I try to eat as much as I can then, but even that's not enough.

It's not sounding as if I'll get to go home tomorrow afterall, but I don't know. I'll get a better picture in the morning. Anyway, there's a lot more to say, but the Vicodin has started to kick in and I'm getting groggy. I'll post more tomorrow and let you all know how things are going.