Patience

I think I've come to the realization that I probably won't be back to work in 2-3 weeks like I was hoping. I don't have the stamina that I need to have to be able to survive a day at work. Maybe if I worked a desk job where all I did all day was sit anyway, I could, but not being an athletic trainer. I'm supposed to be the one helping the athletes, not making them help me.

Yesterday my oldest sister came over with her family to cook a belated birthday dinner for my mom and I was helping out in the kitchen, so I tried the walker. I did pretty well with it I think, and was able to get around on it for about 30 minutes or so, but then I was done. I wanted to try to push it harder, just that last extra push I used to try for when I was running. It was the mental part of it that I had something left in me when I was tired, but I knew it wasn't a good idea, so I didn't do it. My ribs have been so sore today. Maybe it was that, maybe it wasn't, but I think it was. I know I'm going to be sore after doing things like that. It just made me realize that it's probably not realistic to be going back to work when I wanted to.

My mom and I went and got my temporary handicapped placard thingie and then went shopping for a little bit after. I think we were gone about 2.5 hours and when we got home, I was exhausted again. I hate that it wasn't even anything that taxing, I mean, it's not like I was walking, I was just pulling a handle to make the scooter go. I said I wasn't going to try on clothes because it just seemed like it was unnecessary and not worth the hassle. Yeah, I was wrong. I tried on some clothes in Gap and walked out with quite a bit. After that, though, I was done. We went to Old Navy after and then to Costco and then I was definitely done.

I don't want this to turn into a whining session, but I guess this is my blog and my place to get things out. It's just frustrating. I had just gotten back into running and was doing so well. I was getting back into shape and able to get out some of the stress and frustration of just daily living by running and I don't have that anymore. Maybe this is all just the anger part of the stages of grieving, but I don't know that grieving is an accurate descriptor of this. I'm not angry that I fell off Delilah. And I'm not angry at Delilah or her owner or any of that. I'm just angry that I can't do what I want right now. I know I'll recover and it's only been 3 weeks since this all began, but 4 months just seems so far away. I'm sorry if the last few entries haven't exactly been the happy, go lucky entries that started this all. I'm just frustrated.

Anyway, on the good side of things, Kellie and Kevin came to visit today and brought Berkeley. Abby was SO happy to see her little buddy. The two of them chased and wrestled for quite some time. It was nice to get to see Kellie and Kevin as well since it's been awhile since I've seen them. Hopefully we'll get to hang out again soon :)