It's been nearly two months since my last entry and things have been busy and ever changing! I was (finally) cleared to start walking again on January 1st, which was a great way to start the new year! My doctor also said I could return to work on February 1st, which is also when he said I could start running again! The ability to be able to walk again has been fantastic. You really don't realize how much you miss something until you can't do it anymore. By the way, the image is of my second to last x-ray of my pelvis. There wasn't much, if any, change between this and the last so I didn't take a new one after my last appointment. Anyway, you can see one of the three fractures in my pelvis on the lower right part of the circular opening of the pelvis. Notice on the left how it's perfectly round and not so much on the right. Well, apparently it will be like that forever. Apparently it won't make much difference in child delivery methods one day, but I'll find out for sure the next time I go in to see my "female" doctor. Sorry if I grossed anyone out! I try not to share too much, but most everyone asks me that question when they see the x-ray anyway.
The progression to this point has been truly amazing. I remember waking up some mornings in over the last two months thinking that it didn't hurt as much to sit up or roll over in bed. But then all the pain seemed to disappear overnight. I also remember the night where I realized I could finally sleep on my side again. I've always been a stomach and/or side sleeper, so those months where I had to sleep on my back really sucked. The progression back to walking was pretty easy. I was worried that I was really and truly going to have to "learn to walk" again, which is what my doctor told me to expect, but I guess it's like riding a bike, your body just remembers. I wasn't nearly as out of shape as I expected to be; it wasn't a matter of feeling worn out and tired by walking, it was more that I would get sore from too much walking. The first week or two I was really only good for 20-30 minutes of walking at a time, but that steadily increased. I still feel tired from time to time after too much walking. I took Abby for an hour long walk last week on a particularly nice day and I was sore the next day, but it was muscle soreness, no bone pain. I was also walking a 12 minute mile walk pace, which probably wasn't the greatest idea, but I had to push myself.
I went to see Delilah about a week ago and it wasn't as emotional as I thought it might be. I started to choke up just a little when I saw her in the paddock, but it was worse when her owner came down to the barn. I wanted to be able to show her I was ok, though, and had no hard feelings. Nicole, my sister, and I mucked the 4 stalls in the barn and lunged Clarence and Delilah both since a) I wasn't going to ride and b) it was really too muddy for Nicole to go out anyway. It was definitely really nice to be back around the horses again. There really is something about a horse that's good for the soul.
Recently, I've been trying to "re-live" what happened in October and what I remember most about it is the few short seconds I had when I realized there was no way I was going to stay in the saddle as Delilah tripped. It was scary to realize that not only was I coming off, but I was coming off the largest horse I've ever ridden and I'm pretty sure there is a "right" way to fall and a "wrong" way to fall and I had no idea how to fall the "right" way, so I was just hoping for the best. I remember trying to take a physical inventory of myself once I hit the ground and literally the first thought that came to mind was "Do I have a headache? Did I get a concussion?" once I realized that my head was fine, it start to hit me that my body definitely wasn't. The athletic trainer in me was desperately trying to figure out what had happened, but I really had no clue other than the fact I really didn't want to move from my hands and knees to even a sitting position, and then realizing that eventually I had to get to a hospital. Once I was standing between Nicole and the man who came down to us, I kept thinking to myself that I was being a wuss, that I was ok and I could walk out on my own. I finally realized that things weren't ok once I got really lightheaded and the light around me got so bright and looked like it was tinged with green. I was cold, but sweating at the same time and was trying not to black out. But again, I was trying to convince myself I was being a wuss. I don't have a clue why I was trying so hard to be tough.
I finally got scared once we got to the hospital ER and the doctors and nurses were rushing around. They probably thought I had no clue what was going on, but with all the medical training I've had, between being an athletic trainer and being an EMT in college, I knew what was going on and what they were doing and talking about. When they told me I was going to be transferred to Fairfax Hospital and that surgery might be in my future, that's when I realized what was going on. I was trying to keep calm and my feelings in check because I was worried that if I got scared, my parents would start to freak out and I didn't want them to worry. Mostly because I didn't want them to worry on the day where I was finally able to ride again. Hahaha.
This has definitely been the most physically and mentally draining thing I've ever gone through. I knew how to handle athlete injuries and psychology, but I had no idea how to handle it for myself. I'd never been injured anywhere close to that before. I thought I was handling things ok, but I know now I wasn't. I should have asked for more help and not been afraid to ask people to do things for me, even as simple as getting me a glass of water. But I wanted to be tough and handle myself. It was kind of a vicious cycle. I think this, however, is what will make me a better athletic trainer and probably be more sympathetic at times. It's also opened my eyes to how truly unfair people can be to those with disabilities. I'll never forget the stares as I sat in a wheelchair or in the scooters at the grocery store or the time the guy at the commissary made a comment about me being too young to be in a scooter- I explained I had broken my pelvis and suddenly he was much more compassionate. I looked like there was nothing wrong since I didn't have a cast on or anything else that was obvious. I'll never forget people being completely oblivious to me in the wheelchair or even on crutches. And I'll never forget the "handicapped" accessible parking that wasn't so accessible. It makes me think that people should spend even just 72 hours in a wheelchair to really appreciate the things that the disabled go through.
So tomorrow, I go back to work. I'm kind of nervous. It doesn't really make sense and I think it's because I don't want people to treat me differently or worry every time I have to do something. I am excited to see my "kids" and get back to normal life. Or what "normal" will be like for the next few months. I've tried to jog a little, just like 50 feet maybe, and that still hurt as of last week, so I haven't tried yet. I still wake up stiff and sore most mornings and I'm sure that will last for awhile longer, if not forever. If I stand for too long I still get sore and if I sit in one position for too long I get sore too. Things are different now, but at some point it will all seem normal again.
All I really know is I can't wait to ride again :).
No comments:
Post a Comment