Frustration

It's been a bit since I've written anything, but I've been kind of busy too. Friday night Andy and I went to Outback for dinner with my parents and then to see Couples Retreat...hilarious! I wanted to laugh so often during the movie, but I can't really laugh quite yet, at least not very often. However, I had my first experiences in public in the dreaded wheelchair. I hate going out in it, I'm embarrassed, but only because you can't visibly see anything wrong with me, so it just looks like I'm hanging out in a wheelchair.

After the movie was over, of course I had to use the bathroom. Andy wanted me to use the "Family Bathroom" which is a single bathroom on it's own that's probably intended for people to use that may need assistance. I don't need assistance getting myself to the bathroom, so of course I insisted on using the regular bathroom. Bad plan. I never really paid attention to how rude people can be to others. I got into the bathroom and this teenage girl looked at me, sitting in a wheelchair, and walked into the handicapped bathroom. Ok, so I know I've used the handicapped before when I wasn't handicapped, but not when someone who needed it was there and I have always been nervous about coming out of one when someone else needed it. So I sat there and waited. Of course regular bathroom stalls opened up and I told the ladies behind me to go ahead since I couldn't really use the regular sized stalls. Little did I know/realize that there was another handicapped stall and I only realized it when some lady walked around me, went down to it, opened the door, and went in. Ok, so maybe she thought I was just waiting on someone else, but why would I be in the middle of the bathroom waiting for anything other than a bathroom stall. So finally the original stall opened, but then I had to get through the ladies standing in front of the mirror fixing their hair and makeup. I said excuse me to this one girl like 10 times, and I don't think I was being especially quiet. Her friend finally saw me and told her to move. So at this point I was frustrated and embarrassed and tired and annoyed. I won't say too much about the bathroom experience, but let me just say that the handicapped stalls although quite roomier than a regular sized stall still isn't easy to maneuver a wheelchair in and I don't consider myself an amateur when it comes to using the wheelchair.

So by the time I left the bathroom I was ready to break down again. Andy and I went home and hung out a little longer before he left.

Saturday was kind of busy as well, but then again I have a new definition of busy. Anything that requires me to leave the house now means busy. Andy came over early in the day and we played Monopoly for awhile, but I got tired pretty quickly, so we stopped to watch college football. We pretty much just hung around the house and ordered pizza. I slept for about 2 hours as well. Saturday night one of my sisters was having a surprise party for her husband and Andy and I were invited. So we left during day 3 of non-stop cold rain to go up to her house. Her house, like most, is not handicapped accessible so Andy and I had planned how for me to get into her house. The options were about 10 steps on the front of the house with handrails only accessible from one side or another, but not both, since it's a wide front porch, or through the garage, which had 5 steps and was narrow with a handrail only on one side, but I thought I'd be able to support my body weight if I put my hands on either wall. It went ok. Definitely not easy or fun, but ok. Once I got inside, though, I had to go downstairs to the basement where the party was being held. I hadn't really thought this part through since I didn't think we would be in the basement. I won't say how I got myself down there, but I did. Hahaha.

Sunday was an attempt at church, but I don't have a handicapped placard yet and the church parking lot was full, so we ended up skipping and going to breakfast. After breakfast, we came back home, but since it was a late mass, we didn't have too much time before going back to my sister's house for her son's 5th birthday party. This time Andy took me up the front steps by bumping the wheelchair up the steps. Talk about scary. It felt like after every step he went up, it was a struggle to get me up the next, so all I could think about was me falling back down the steps when he got too tired. Not fun to think about. So anyway, I had to go back down to the basement again, tried a different method that I suppose was easier, but still embarrassing. If you can't tell, this is a very humbling experience.

So after 2 long days of lots of activity, I was ready to spend a day at home relaxing and recovering. I know it sounds silly because it doesn't seem like I did a lot, but every transfer from the couch to the wheelchair/scooter to the car to the wheelchair/scooter, etc. is tiring and at the end of the day it makes me so sore. Well, yesterday was grocery shopping with my mom. We used a grocery store scooter instead of my own. Again with the strange looks from random people. It sucked. I felt like everyone was judging me and thinking I was some hypochondriac who only wanted attention. And talk about weird seeing old people in walkers and canes who get around better than I do right now. Geez.

I had a doctor's appointment with Dr. Howard today. That was frustrating too because I was initially told 2-3 weeks off work by the ER doctors and Dr. Howard didn't seem very optimistic that it would take less than 6 weeks. He said it depended on how I recovered, but that was his best guess. I'm not cool with that. I can't sit at home for another 5 weeks. I'm sure that I'll be more mobile in the next 2 weeks, but his concern was me being able to use crutches over the wheelchair or even walker which was also my opinion, but I guess I didn't see it taking that long. I don't know. I'm really hopeful that he's overestimating and that I'll be back in the next 2 weeks or so, but I'm nervous about that as well. I definitely don't want to overdo it and risk re-injury or making something worse, but I just can't imagine sitting here with all this time on my hands.

So today isn't the best day. I'm just bummed and frustrated. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want to be able to go running or walk Abby or heck, go riding, but I can't right now. I'm still having a hard time accepting this. I don't want to sound whiny or annoying about it, it's just hard. I've never broken a bone until this accident, I've never had any other significant injury and here I am. I wish I could have started with something simple, a fractured forearm perhaps or maybe just broken ribs. I guess that it just goes to show that I did something right and without abandon. And here I am.

When you're feeling tired at work, be thankful that you can be there.

When you're feeling lazy and don't want to go walk the dog, walk her anyway because you can.

When you don't feel motivated to go exercise, go anyway because you have the ability.

When you don't want to get back in the car to go run one last errand, go anyway because you have the freedom.

And come visit me anytime you want, I'll be here.